Slayers Bishoujo Encounter
by Kats
Summary: Not fit for human consumption
1. Default Chapter

Slayers Bishoujo Encounter **** ****

Edited **by**: One heck of a lot of people. (Not that it did any good)

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Note: 

This is a fic about what would happen if me and a bunch of my friends got loose with a, well, I don't know what they're called but I really want one if anyone actually invents them. It's a sort of dimension thingy that would allow us access to any and all animes. 

My friends also have nicknames...I use them. I also use their real names (sometimes), so I'll provide a handy dandy list of who's who at the end of this fic for those that don't know them.

None of my friends are actually related to me in any way (thank L-sama)

[Ducks large heavy objects thrown by friends but gets broadsided by a tomato.]

Argh, tomato juice in me eye! Hoppy?…MWAAH! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT PRODUCE!

[] Are around comments my sister and I had when reviewing this fic. Also, my friend Sarah helped with this as well. Also, I've gotten the new English/Japanese dictionary, celebrate with me, Yheah, baby, yheah!

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Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Their respective creators and companies own all characters (for now). Although I want to have large amounts of money in the future, I have none now so it would be worthless to sue me.

Enjoy ^_~

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*************************************^_^*******************************

The Slayers gang was gathered around a table in the Royal War Room in the Royal Palace of the Royal Kingdom of Seryuun...even Xellos. Considering Filia was in the room, everyone was happy that the kingdom (in all its white magic glory) hadn't been blown up yet. Filia was carrying a glowing egg in a straw bassinet that she placed in at the foot of her chair. She wasn't about to leave Valgaav with those incompetent twits back at the Maces and Vases shop (We sell you the ammunition and the demolition). 

" Pretty good to see you all again," Zelgadis said, leaning against a window, " it's been a while, hasn't it."

" Hmmm," Lina agreed through a mouthful of chicken and leaning back in her chair. "Anyone want to explain why we're here?" she looked at Xellos.

[**B**- You and your Xellos fetish.]

[**K**- Shut Up, okay, I just said he looked sexy with his eye's open.]

For once the trickster priest didn't look malicious or happy AND he didn't say ' That's a secret' which is what really worried Lina.

" I'm just here to provide a vessel for L-sama," he said, clenching his teeth and staff, and his eye's narrowing even more then usual.

Suddenly he jerked and the tip of his staff glowed gold. It quickly spread to the rest of his body. His voice took on a strange feminine quality that, for some odd reason, made Zelgadis want to laugh. 

[**K-** No pun or innuendo was meant about Xellos looking like he was just 'taking it'.]

" **Greetings, IAm Pleased That You Have All Come**," She/he stated.

Lina leaned foreword very sharply in her chair.

" Little strange of you to posses a Mazuko L-sama, much less a guy."

The glowing eye's blinked, and her/his mouth curved into a slight smile.

" H****e W****as G****etting U****ppity." 

THAT brought Zelgadis's head against the window with a tinkle of broken glass and cussing from passerby's below.

[**B**- You like Zelgadis too.]

[**K**- Everybody likes him, so what?]

Lina smiled.

"That's nice, but let's get to the subject." She said, slinging a chicken wing around (giving Amelia's white 'outfit of justice' a nice 'barbecue sauce stain of justice'). " You wouldn't be making a personal appearance if there wasn't something pretty damn big going on," she shot a look at Gourry, " down Gourry, she's not going to posses me this time."

[**K**- Becky insisted on the barbecue sauce, let's just call that her little fetish.]

[**B**- And you're the one who wanted Gourry to 'magically' lose his armor and fall into a huge SWIMMING POOL of the stuff.]

[**K**- Hey, it could happen.]

Gourry, who had been busy glaring at L-sama/Xellos, gave Lina a startled look and dropped back a bit (but didn't quit glaring). He still hadn't forgotten how he had almost lost Lina (and given his poor memory, that was almost a miracle) and reached his hand out to take Lina's and they gave each other a tender look for a moment and then turned their attention back to L-sama/Xellos.

[**B-** You're hopeless about those two, you know.]

[**K**- I need a tissue…to smack you upside the head with.]

SHE looked at them seriously.

" A S****hort W****hile A****go, T****here W****as A****n I****ntrusion I****nto T****his W****orld. I****t W****as F****rom A****nother D****imension. I****t A****woke M****y C****onscious M****ind B****ecause O****f T****he S****trange E****nergy R****eleased."

Lina rubbed her temples and sighed.

" Could you possibly turn that voice down a font size or two? It gives us fragile mortals a headache."

"O…**oh**"

" Thanks, now, we've had visitors before, what's special about this one?"

" **This one came from a place that I did not create and returned to whence it came from after a short scouting trip.**"

Lina's head snapped up from the thing (we're pretty sure it was alive at one point) she was devouring.

" A place you didn't…"

A great ripping sound echoed through the room (and considering that it's kinda hard for sound waves to echo in a small square room full of stuff, you should get the picture). It sounded like a giant pair of scissors slicing through paper. Min'na turned and saw a huge rip appearing in the stone wall behind Zelgadis (who immediately fell down and scrambled like a crab behind Lina).

From the gap a pair of hands emerged and grasped the sides of the tear. A head followed. The head had curly brown hair done up in a crocodile clip, blue/yellow eyes behind a pair of glasses that was perched on top of the girl's nose.

The girl's eyes widened as she looked around the room and when she caught sight of Zelgadis (still cowering), 

" I'm in heaven," she sighed, clasping her hands in front of her, immediately overbalancing and falling flat on her ass out of the tear. The girl scrambled to her feet, brushed her hands off on her pants and marched right up to Lina and said,

" Hi, I'm Katsudoo, Kris Kats my friends call me, or Kats or Kris or Hey you! but yheah you're my hero."

Everybody "…"

" Umm…what?" Lina asked.

" You're my joketsu," Katsudoo said, doing a pirouette, " the thing I aspire to beeeee," she trilled.

[**B**- Oh please, you couldn't do a pirouette to save your life]

[**K**- Oh gentle readers, do you wonder why I put up with this shit? Because my parents told me to spend more time with her and it was either this or playing Magical Knights… without the powers.]

[**B**- Ewwww, that show's like an anime Power Rangers anasummpphhh]

[**K**- Ah, the wonders of a gag, but she'll probably chew through it soon, sigh. Please, all you RayEarth fans, don't kill her, she only needs more brainwashing.]

The girl caught site of Zelgadis again and sighed.

" Oh, the perfect example of stony goodness, yummy."

She then marched straight up to him, grabbed his head and gave him a large, passionate, steamy, hot…

[**K**- Becky! Stop messing with the script!]

[**B**- Hoomehsm?]

kiss, straight on the mouth. Needless to say, all the guys were highly supportive.

" Whoa Buddy"

" Go Zel, go Zel, go Zel!"

" HEY"

Min'na did a 90 degree spin, and saw that through the gap, another head had emerged. This one had short, red, blue and purple hair that was partially shaven but still long on top. She wore a shirt that read,

' I didn't escape, they gave me a day pass.'

She was also wearing a pair of hair barrettes covered with fluffy little fake blue feathers.

" You said I'd get to maul him first Kats, no fair."

" No fair yourself, you remember that big party in the Universe of the Four Gods, the one where you got drunk off you're a..(bum)? Served you right, drinking sake out of a bucket. You said I could have Hotohori all to myself that night and then I caught you sneaking around with him in el royal sleeping bag."

" I did not say that!"

" Did to!"

" Did not!"

" Did to"

" Did not"

" Forget this Joey, let me at least maul him for a little while longer."

" Fine, where's Xellos," she started looking around the room, spotted L-sama/Xellos and started to creep toward the startled looking god. Now they could read the words,

' As one by one the penguins steal my sanity.'

" Like they'd give her a day pass with a shirt like that," Zelgadis muttered. 

" Wait, Jo-chan, there's something you need to know before you…"

BBBAAAMMM

[**K**- Do you really think all those letters are necessary?]

[**B**- Of course, how do you think were supposed to get across the bone crunching thump that just happened? And besides, we don't have any special effects money, you spent it all on subtitled Kenshin tapes, remember!]

[**K**- I didn't have episodes 1-95 yet!]

L-sama/Xellos was on the floor, straddled by 'Babe', with her/his clothes disappearing at an astounding rate.

" Umm, could you let go of my face," Zel asked.

Katsudoo dropped him and turned around, spotted Gourry

[**B**- Be warned she's got Gourry radar, only $19.95 at any anime store near you.]

and said,

" Hmm, is that a perfect specimen of blonde, blue eyed, nearly brainless male? Hmm you're gorgeous."

She turned to Amelia (who looked like she was trying really hard to think up a justice speech)

" I think you'd better stick to Zelgadis, this one's mine."

Lina, "WHAT!"

Amelia looked startled, 

" Um, okay."

" WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Lina shouted. "WHERE DO YOU COME FROM? WHY ARE YOU HERE? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, WILL YOU TAKE XELLOS WITH YOU WHEN YOU GO?"

[**B**- You aren't.]

[**K**- I am.]

[**B**- Please not that, anything but that, it's so overdone.]

[**K**- Hey, who am I if not cheesy.]

[**B**- Got a point.]

" First thing first, I am Katsudoo, feared, yet longed for by every bishonen (except Nuriko, sniff) and a hell of a lot of bishoujo in the anime worlds, she-Taz over there is Joey/Jo-chan, mauler of fine men and women everywhere. We're tourists if you will. Tell you later. And probably yes, 'cause, well, it's going to be a long trip."  


[**K**- If anyone's confused about the conversation we had earlier, it was about when someone asks you a string of questions. In response, you answer them all in the order they were asked, really, really fast.]

" Um," Filia asked, " doesn't the fact that she's mauling a guy possessed by a girl bother this 'Jo-chan' at all?"

Kats struck a dramatic pose,

" HELL NO! Jo-chan is not one to be dissuaded by something as fickle as the gender or mind set of the body she happens to be mauling."

"…" 

" Well anyway, I feel sorry for Xellos, Joey has the biggest crush on him forever. I doubt he'll come out of that celibate."

" I doubt he went into that celibate," Zelgadis muttered.

" **GERR OFF**!"

L-sama/ Xellos threw Jo-chan off of her/him and started reassembling her/his clothing.

"** What Are You Doing Here?**" L-sama bellowed (yet remembering to control font size).

Joey and Kats looked at each other, raised an arm and pointed a finger towards the sky (okay, ceiling) took a deep breath and shouted,

" On A Quest To See And Maul…umm, Get User Friendly With Every Bishonen In Every Universe."

" WHAT?"

" It's a school project."

Facevaults, facevaults like never seen before and will likely never be seen again. It makes my neck hurt just thinking about it.

The silence after the facevaults was very tangible, you could almost cut the air with a…

Jo-chan whipped a knife out of a pocket and cut a slice of air, 

" Very tangible," she muttered.

" Anyway, after we, umm get 'compatible' with every cute guy here, Joey wanted to drag Lina off to see Utena, while I want to see…WHERE'S THE FANFARE!

(Kazoos in the background change to a sexy drumbeat) That's better, _RUROUNI KENSHIN_!"

Only Jo-chan showed any discernable reaction.

" AND what do you think your going to do there, Kats? You were supposed to head off and see Inu Yasha, and later we were all going to meet up at Kauro's dojo."

[**K**- Come on people, you all know how fine Kenshin is, who wouldn't want a couple of days alone with the man?]

[**B**- Hell yheah!]

[**K**- You're not allowed to talk like that until you actually hit puberty.]

[**B**- Come on, it's Kenshin.]

[**K**- Don't care, drool over Yahiko.]

"Um, well…Hey, I've got a right. I'm not going there for 'ahem' fun and games. I'm going there to see what's going on and make sure Kauro and Kenshin get at least one night in the sack together. If I get them in bed at least once, they'll be sure to come back for more."

" 'Cause," Joey stated," everybody," 

All together now

" LIKES THE NOOKIE!"

" You can wait for the rest of us," Jo-chan said, " Jean wants to 'see' Sano, you wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for her now would you."

" No," Kats said, circling her foot in a circle, then looking up and declaring, " No one gives me any respect around here. I'm older then all of you by at least a few months! Fine, I'll go to Inu Yasha's, but only because Jean's been so looking forward to 'seeing' Sano."

The rip got a lot bigger behind her, but as she turned to go, Filia asked one more question.

" You said you weren't exactly tourists, and you're on a school project so what is it?"

The tear disappeared, Joey and Kats jumped next to each other, raised a fist in the air and shouted.

" IN THE NAME OF ALL WHO HAVE PINNED OVER BISHONEN, WE HAVE COME TO GO TO WHEREVER NO OTHER WOMAN HAS GONE BEFORE, WE WILL EXPLORE THE SKILLS AND INTEGRITY OF BISHONEN (and Bishoujo) EVERYWHERE!"

Kats leaned close to Lina and whispered,

" Personally, I think Jo-chan would rather find out the integrity of their beds."

"**What is all this,**" L-sama/Xellos yelled. " **I have no power over you, but I will not tolerate this annoying conversation you are having.**"

[**B**- She's not as articulate when she's pissed is she.]

[**K**- I know, it was rather disappointing. But if you'll notice something, none of the people there were screaming like a little wussy...like Hellmaster.]

[**B**- Hellmaster? Oh you mean that anime kid that I thought was a girl at first?]

Kats looked kinda interested.

" Does that mean that even though our bodies automatically changed to the energy frequencies given off by this dimension that ours are still unique enough to avoid the energy 'signature', if you will, that you've put on this universes energies? Hmm, interesting, I could write a paper on this."

Jo-chan held her head.

" I think you spent to much time with little Washu in Tenchi Muyo."

" Now, L-sama, I'll make you a deal, you tell us the secret of why you like Lina Inverse so much and show us what you really look like ('cause those glimpses in the opening theme song aren't very good) and I'll take Joey here and leave. Temporarily, of course, so that you can calm down."

L-sama looked offended.

" **Why do you think that you are worthy of such knowledge?**"

" Wait a minute, I want to know too," Lina said, getting interested as to why God seemed to pay attention to her, " I always did wonder why I was the much proclaimed Giga Slave caster and such. It always seemed like a huge deal was made over it."

" I'm interested if only for the sake of my cure," Zelgadis said from his more dignified position of behind Amelia (standing).

" TIME OUT," Kats yelled, she made the little t-shape with her hands and marched up to L-sama/Xellos. " 'Another thing, why does he want a cure, why does he need a cure. He is sooooooooooooo…(GASP)…ooooo cute as is…"

Zelgadis wasn't sure he wanted to be known as cute and glared at Kats and Jo-chan. Amelia patted his hand reassuringly where it rested on the back of her chair. 

[**B**- You're hopeless about those two, you know that.]

[**K**- I need a two by four…to smack you over the head with.]

"…and if it would really make him happy, why don't you just give him a halfway easy quest to go on to find it. I know that he wouldn't be happy finding a cure if he didn't think he had earned it. Secondly, here's another question, why do people enjoy saying Lina's name so much. It's always, Lina Inverse I'm your worst enemy, or Lina Inverse, I, your greatest rival shall beat you, Lina Inverse. What is the deal with that?"

" Another good question," Lina muttered to Gourry.

" AND further more, why does Gourry lose his Sword of Light. It was a perfectly good sword, those spiky haired gods from that dimension thingy didn't need it anymore, I mean Lina got rid of the DarkStar/Valgaav dude once and for all."

" Good question," Gourry muttered to Lina, who clonked him one over the head.

" BAKA, you're the one who volunteered to give it back to them, and further more," she turned to Kats, " L-sama didn't even make an appearance when the last villain showed up. She only scared the $(I wonder if they have THAT word in the dictionary?)@ out of little mister 'destroy the world' Hellmaster."

Katsudoo conceded the point.

" Alright then, here's another question. When Gourry does the leap impossibly high into the air and the other guy leaps up to fight him, they end up spinning in a way that's totally impossible unless he's either got, (a. Rayewing or Levitation, or (b. some how related to a flea or a rabbit or something. I mean, it looks like he's hanging from a bungee cord."

Lina looked positively scandalized.

" HIM, magical powers, yhea right, I would have noticed it. Hahahahaha, right…right." She had turned to Gourry to see him looking up thoughtfully at the ceiling.

" Well, I had this Grampa…I forgot what his name was, R something or other, and he was a sorcerer, and Grandma was an elf, that's where I got the blonde hair, and they both had some magical powers, and Grandpa's were pretty strong when he got older."

Lina turned slowly around and looked at Gourry.

" R something was it?"

"Yup."

Wouldn't have been Rowdy by any chance?"

Gourry smacked his right hand into his left fist,

" That's it! I kept forgetting."

Meanwhile…Lina was muttering to herself.

" Elf for a Grandmother, Rowdy as a Grandfather, Rowdy had the Sword of Light…ARGH!"

Everybody looked at her.

SHE looked like she was going to pull her hair out.

" Rowdy was your GRANDFATHER GOURRY! Oh gods," she continued in a smaller voice, " I worked with your Grandfather. That's where you get the refuse to give me the Sword of Light thing. Why didn't you tell me your Grandfathers name was Rowdy?"

Gourry blinked his big, blue eyes,

" I guess I just forgot Lina. I never thought it was that important," he said.

[**B**- Even though he's a ditz, even though he isn't that smart, he's still sooo cute.]

[**K- **True, but remember, he's not that dumb either. I really hate those people who make him out to be someone who can't think at all, I mean, watch the show, how can you not say that he has some brains?]

[**B**- Down, girl, down. No need to foam at the mouth, here's the t.v, first episode, Lina meets Gourry, it's all okkaayy.]

Lina managed to calm herself by chanting her mantra, " He's my protector, I can not kill him, he's my protector, I can not kill him, he's my protector, I can not kill him," about fifty times.

Kats shifted and looked at L-sama/Xellos.

" Want this to go on? I can bring more mayhem to this happy little place. I can always summon my little sisters." She lifted a hand to her mouth, "Even though I can't hold a flame to Morgan when she imitates it… Ohhohohoho, Ohhohohoho!"

L-sama/Xellos closed her/his eyes as if in pain and answered,

" **Very well, I will show you my body first so that all may know what my human form is**."

L-sama/Xellos glowed brightly for a second, then, all of a sudden; the golden glow started to move off of Xellos's body like a fog, and in the middle a form condensed.

She was very pretty. Long golden (duh) hair swung down to her waist. Her bangs were cut like Xellos's. She wore a long flowing gown like Filia's, but hers didn't have a huge jewel in front. Her face looked a lot like Lina's but far more serious. Her eye's had the same sort of glow that Lina's had had when L-sama had possessed her.

"** When Luna Inverse was chosen and I discovered that her younger sister also had a small piece of Ceifeld inside of her, I knew that she would attract attention from the Mazuko, for having such power, and for becoming a peace loving soul through it's influence, she would not want to fight. But unlike Luna, she would not have Ceifelds protection. Thus I put a piece of Zellas Metallium into the young Lina and retreated back to non-thought and waited. If the small piece of Ceifeld inside of her would influence her thinking, so would the piece of Zellas. However they cancel each other out and any effects they might have on her soul, leaving her free for the chaos that is humanity to develop without interference. No peace loving soul, like Amelia's or a destruction desiring one, like Xellos's, but her own, to make her own choices without outside influence from either of the great races.**"

[**B**- You really think that?]

[**K**- Umhmm, my personal opinion. Look at Lina's eye's during the ending song in the OVA's.]

[**B**- E-mail Sarah, I want to get her take on it.]

[**K**- I can't find her e-mail address, she's gonna kill me!]

[**B**- Can I have your c.d. player, I mean, after she kills you?]

" NANI! ALL THIS HAS JUST BEEN AN EXPERIMENT WITH YOU! I'M JUST SOME KIND OF GAME! HOW DARE YOU! YOU THINK YOUR…" Lina broke off suddenly, " hehe, you are god. BUT IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY!"

Joey leaned over to Katsudoo,

" Way to go."

" Shut up."

" **It is more then that, Lina Inverse. In a way, I am your Grandmother, since both of my children, Zellas and Seifeld are a part of you.**"

Lina closed her eyes and fell face foreword towards the table but Gourry managed to catch her head before it hit her plate.

[**S**- (over the computer) Yo, people! How's it going?]

[**B**- Che! I never get anything…]

[**S**- ~.~?]

Amelia turned away from a window suddenly, her eyes big and round and her voice went all 'stupid blade of justice' or 'ouch that hurt' tone.

" AHHHH, L-sama, your sucking Seryuun up into your giant black hole!"

L-sama blinked, very, very, and very slowly.

"** It is the chaos within me,**" she stated simply (if anything can be simply stated by a god).

" Argh!" Amelia yelled, " To-san's going to kill me!"

" EVERYONE! Calm down," Kats stepped into the fray, " Jeez…Okay, Amelia, don't worry. I doubt that Phil will hold it against you. I mean, it's not your fault that inter-dimensional travelers showed up and got the Lord of Nightmares panti all in a bunch. Now L-sama, lets get a wiggle on and hear your answer to the other question, ii?"

L-sama looked her straight in the eye. 

"** How many others are coming?**"

" What?"

The ripping noise coming from the tear that reappeared shot through the room as the tear got to be twice the size it was at first. Then a large group of people fell through. Some of them stayed on the floor, thinking, probably, that it was safer there, while four of them popped up and two of them ran over to Katsudoo and Jo-chan.

" Kats, Jo-chan! We wondered where you guys were. You missed out on some great catches!"

" Hoppy!" Kats yelled. " Do you like scary dubbed anime tapes? Hehe, sorry, anyway, yheah, I tried to grab Zel and Xel but L-sama apparently saw Jean when she was making the map and was prepared for us. Mother Dearest! I'm sooo glad to see you! Did you get into X 1999?"

" Hehe, Hi Cosmo. How are you doing? Yes, I did. Look, there's Kamui now. Poor dear, he's not sure what's going on."

" Poor dear, my @(washmyharddriveoutwithsoap)#! He's the Dragon of the Heavens! Why on earth would you want someone so skinny? I mean he doesn't look like he has any innards. Look at him, he must have been starving for a month!"

" But Cosmo! He's so cute!" The one called 'Mother Dearest' scooped a man of the floor of about Gourry's height. The man had short black hair, violet eyes, and a VERY scared expression on his face.

" Help me," he whispered.

" But you don't need help, hehehehe," Mother Dearest laughed. " I think I'm going to call you Fluffy!"

" She's right," Hoppy added, grabbing another guy from the pile and pulling him to her,

" This one's the one that's going to need help! Right Honou sweetie?"

The only answer was a strangled Erk as she squeezed the air out of him.

" How'd you do in Sailor Moon?" Kats asked the two of them.

" Oh, sister here didn't go, she spent half her time trying to catch Mister Dragon over there…he kept disappearing," Hoppy said, " but I made out like a bandit! Look, I caught the Starlights, BEFORE they transformed, Prince Diamond, Pararu, and Hellios. I thought Hellios was just too cute for that insipid little Chibi-Usa. I also went to Ranma 1/2 and caught Akane, Nabiki and Mouse! But I left them at Kauro's dojo."

" Icky Starlights! See Joey! I told you no one was going to stay away from there until tomorrow!" she turned back to Hoppy and Mother Dearest, " What did Kauro say?"

Mother Dearest was busy squishing a struggling Kamui against her chest to keep him from doing his protective shield thingy, so Hoppy answered for them both.

[**S**- Are your friends in California really like this?]

[**K**- If not better! I'm fairly certain that Mother Dearest would call Kamui Fluffy.]

[**S**- How…odd.]

" Oh she's very excited, but in a good way! She wants you to know that you can dump as many fine guys on her as you want to."

" Good," Kats giggled, " because I'm going to have a net full by tomorrow!"

" HEY, some help here! He's trying to set me on fire! Without his fan!" The third figure that hadn't said anything yet was struggling with a guy on the floor.

" Gomen Jean, we're coming!" Katsudoo and Jo-chan cried, leaping to help her.

" How about some over here too!" The fourth girl yelled.

Now that the Slayers gang looked closer, the pile was made up of men. Most of them looked like they were drugged, but some of them had been hog tied, or covered with nets to keep from escaping.

" I don't think this is safe anymore," Gourry whispered to Lina.

" Okay Gourry, grab Zelgadis and Xellos and make a run for it. I wouldn't even give Xellos to these people."

While she was talking, Jo-chan and Katsudoo had been helping the other girls; Jo-chan going to the one named Jean and Kats helping the one that hadn't been named yet.

" Crap Jean, he's heavy!" Joey exclaimed as the desperately trying to escape guy. A swift blow to the head knocked him out. 

" But you can't say that I don't have impeccable taste. I love his hair," she burrowed her face in Taskui's hair. He mumbled something about flaming death from his, um, induced slumber and twitched.

" True, true…HEY, is that Nuriko?"

" Nuriko! Where?" Kats asked as she helped separate a green haired guy from the general pile.

" Over here, apparently Jean caught him."

" Yheah, but what's she going to do with him? He's gay." Katsudoo stated bluntly.

Jean laughed, 

" I'm going to play with his hair, and dress him up and we'll have long conversations about how stupid guys are and he'll give me fashion tips. Did you see that dress he wore in the beginning of Fushigi Yugi? It was so cute!"

" Oh wow, Jean, did you catch Wufei too?" Kats exclaimed, catching site of the heavily drugged and tied up Gundum pilot.

" Yheah, it was so hard. Those Gundums don't open with a can opener. I had to borrow Saturn's Glaive. Oh, and I caught Ryoga too. Would you believe that I was lost when I met him? Fate was with me that day. Anyway, yheah, I snagged him before Hoppy could grab him."

" Kuso! You guys have snagged all the good guys that I know about!" Kats said, frustrated.

" Kats, some help here," the kneeling girl at her side exclaimed.

" Oh, sorry Emmy, who's this guy again? Ririo?"

" No Kats, his name's Firio, and he's that RayEarth guy we talked about last night."

" Well sorry, I never got to watch more then one tape of that series. So I don't know all the people."

" It's okay, we'll devirginize you to it soon enough. Now help me get Duo out of there too."

" You caught Duo! So, did you need the Glaive too?"

" Nope, caught him running to his Gundum. He wasn't as fast on foot as you'd think he'd be. Oh and you might want to stop Gourry, Xellos and Zelgadis before they get away."

" STOP RIGHT THERE!"

The voice stopped the three males in their tracks. They didn't dare turn around.

" Sit!" Kats bellowed.

They sat.

" How rude. To abandon me when I need you guys to bump my total up to more then three bishonen. (SNIFF!) WAIT, why don't we have the party here you guys?" Kats turned to her friends,

" It'd be perfect. Kauro wouldn't have to pay for the food and she'd still get a chance to flirt with all the hot guys and make Kenshin jealous. Think about it. We're all here almost, just Morgan and Emily left to show up! Where is Morgan anyway?"

" Oh she's catching all those girls. She had Haruka, Utena, Anthy and Juri last time I saw her," Jo-chan said.

" What, Utena, Anthy AND Juri? What's the point of going to Utena if the main character and friends are gone?"

" I already went to Utena," Joey said, " and she was all over Haruka. But as to the party…question, will I be able to do the 'Too much booty in the pants' dance?"

" You already went? Then where were you going to take Lina? And the answer to the question is yes."

" Cool."

" All in favor?"

" Hai."

" Hai."

" Hai."

" Hai."

" Hai."

" Let's do it!"

[**B**- Oh the humanity!]

[**S**- I'll agree with Becky on this one.]

[**K**- But it's so much fun!]

[**B**- People aren't going to get this.]

[**K**- Maybe, oh well, sigh.]

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Names and Alternate Names:

****

Sarah: **Sarah** (Smart and mature, I'm still trying to figure out why she hung with me in high school. Was it because John and I were the only people who'd read her vampire bunny's fic?)

****

Jo-chan: **Joey **(Tom-boyish and cool, She has recently acquired a shy girlfriend by the name of Elizabeth. I'm trying to figure out how to work Elizabeth into the next fic. Kudos to both of them. Joey also has a tendency to not give me any respect, damn it!)

****

Katsudoo: **Cosmo, Kats, Kris, Diana* **(*-not used in fic)-(that would be me, I'm not supposed to comment on myself. Though to explain a lil, I usually ask them if they like scary dubbed tapes when I call them.)

****

Mother Dearest:** Mother Dearest** (Sweet and loving, she graduated a year earlier then me. Grrrr! She has the habit of giving nickname to people and adopting everyone (older or not) as her 'children'.)

****

Hoppy: **Hoppy** (Mother Dearest's sister, she has a boyfriend that we will one day stuff into a tutu. [The pink fluffy one you asked for Tylor], she rocks at drawing and has never let me live down the incident of calling one of her drawings an alien. She is also extremely vicious and should only be fed by a trained professional.)

****

Morgan: **Morgan** (The oldest of us all, yet the shortest (I'm gonna die for that one). Of all the people I know…she can actually do a painful Naga laugh. With no respect for copyright laws, she gave me the entire Slayers series (Slayers, Next, Try) on home tapes and then proceeded to beat her head into a wall when she learned I'd gone on a 36 hour Slayers marathon. The rest of my friends were less then pleased as well, for I was on a Slayers kick for the next two weeks.)

****

Emily: **Emily** (My first friend when I moved here, she and I met when I complemented her on her ' The Last Unicorn' T-shirt. Addicted to Sailor Moon, she is a junkie in a way that even I call un-healthy. Though we've had a bit of a falling out, I can only hope she sees it my way before I have to beat her up…again.)

****

Jean: **Jean** (On a par with Hoppy when it comes to drawing, Jean is more mature then I am, though a year younger. She introduced me to Rouroni Kenshin (5 tapes and buying more this weekend) and several others (she's beating her head on her desk crying 'What have I done!') Jean also introduced me to the world of manga. She dealt with my ' We're all gonna die!' attack on a Caltrain to Japan town really well. I'm fairly certain I'm over that now though.)

****

Emmy: **Emmy** (Jean's sister, one of my best buddies, much to her displeasure. She and Joey both share the bad habit of jumping whoever happens to be sitting on her bed and pinning them down. Thus, I feel she's one of the most likely one to tie up the bishonen.)

****

Authors Note:

I'm thinking of doing a sequel where it'd be the party. Just think, all those cute bishonen shaking their groove thing…(drool)

But feedback, please. Like I said, it probably will have lost a lot of people, but, please, bear with me.

Thanks to anybody who's actually read this far! ^_~


	2. Bite my tire and call me Inu

*Smiles*

As all of you should be aware, this is the second part to my first fic, 'Slayers Bishoujo Encounter'. We're wild, we're crazy, and we're all shamelessly self-inserted baby. Boya. All the Bishounen are belong to ME!

On with the party….

Disclaimer: I own my harem of fine anime men and that's it.

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Jean, Kats, Jo-chan, Emmy, Hoppy, Mother Dearest were all in a huddle…clutching assorted men.

Jean: ^^ " Ah Sanosuke! My little brillo-pad of love!"

Kats: O.o;; " I thought we were going to go to the dojo later?"

Jean: ^^;; " I couldn't wait?"

Jo-chan: --;; " It's always the ones you think are sane…"

Mother Dearest: " Ah Kamui, what you say we pop up that little shield of yours and disappear for a while?"

Assorted travelers: " Dude! Rissey, we didn't need to hear that!"

And the Slayers crew looked on in terror as bishounen after bishounen were withdrawn from some sort of dimensional hole. A man with sunglasses came popping out, got thrown straight at Kats and started yelling

" Captain Tylor-san! I was wondering when you'd get out of those ropes. Now, what do you say to a party…."

Amelia was in near tears. " To-sans going to kill me," she moaned, " I was supposed to watch over the castle, and now half of Seryuun's gone and I have a bunch of bums wandering around my castle!"

" Hey!" Kats yelled. " Watch who you're calling a bum! That's a bum!" She pointed at Sanosuke.

Jean: " Hey! He's a moocher, thank you very much!"

Sano: --;; " Oi!"

Kats: " Bum!"

Jean: " Moocher!"

Sano: --;;; " Oi!"

Kats: " Bum!!"

Sano: " Oi!"

Jean: " Moocher!"

Sano: " Oi!"

Jean: " Moocher!"

Kats: " Whatever, lets make him get nude and sketch him for art class!"

Jean & Kats: ^^ " WAI!"

Sano: O.O " OI!"

Xellos, who was sitting and having tea with L-sama, who looked very disgruntled, noticed a tugging sensation on his pants…he looked down---

Joey: ^_^

--and freaked. Instantaneously, that drew Kats attention from Jean and Sano over to her little purple haired hotty and she promptly malleted Jo-chan over the head with her Meat Tenderizer of Doom. In fact, the whole room was in chaos until Kats brought her big-ass Meat Tenderizer of Doom down with a hearty smack on the table. She glared at everyone, and, after the usual second of absolute stillness, they all fell on their bums. 

" That's quite enough!" She said severely, looking at everyone but Mother Dearest/Rissey. " We're never going to be able to plan anything out if we just grope as usual!"

Emmy raised her hand, " What are we going to do for food and drinks?" 

Kats smiled slyly, " You don't call me Omish for nothing, I'll whip something up."

" Yosh," Joey said, rubbing her hands together, let's get this party started!"

Suddenly a howl arose from the pile of bishies, and soon a second one joined the first.

" Inu Yasha! Sesshomaru! Quiet or no back scratch for you!" Kats yelled, stomping over to the pile.

The howls only got louder. Kats, sighing, picked up two white dog demons and then threw the one with stripes over her shoulder and pinned the other one to the ground.

Xellos: [Leaning over towards Jo-chan] " What's she going to do to him?"

Joey: ^-^ " Not half of what I'm going to do to you!"

A little later…

Xellos: @_@ " I can't believe what I'm seeing."

Joey: " Damn straight! That's what I'M talking about!"

Meanwhile, the rest of the Slayers crew watched in a sort of perverse relief as Kats scratched Inu-Yasha behind the ears.

Kats: ^^ " Who's a good lil doggy demon? Who? Come on! Talk to sweetie!" 

Inu-Yasha: [Foot going thumpetty thumpa on the floor]

L-sama groaned and stood up to shout, " Enough! What is going on here?"

Kats detached herself from a reluctant Inu-Yasha.

" Why, we're getting ready for a party. Give us the night and we'll never bother you again and Joey would please get off of the mother of all's leg?"

Indeed, Jo-chan HAD attached herself to L-sama's leg. Her face was pressed up against the skirt and she was purring. Suddenly she pulled an arm back and poked L-sama in the back of her knee.

Joey: " I wonder what will happen if I--"

L-sama: O.O " AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Joey: ^-^ " What ya know?"

" Joey! Leave L-sama alone! We have a kingdom to ruin!"

Grabbing the drooling, shorthaired girl, Kats dragged her into a back room.

WHOLK!

Kats stepped back out, rubbing her hands together.

" Okay, well now that that's done, we need to get some things straightened out. Amelia, where's your biggest garden? Lina, why aren't you yelling at Gourry for allowing me to grope him? Zelgadis, ten-o'clock, bring a friend. Any questions?"

" YES!"

" I mean besides from the kidnapped."

" Okay," Jean said, raising her hand. " First of all, why are you doing this when you should be doing math? Secondly, how are we going to get all the invitations out in time?"

" That's simple darling," Kats exclaimed, clapping her hands, " we just ignore all given rules and take out what's left of the fourth wall with a bulldozer!"

Travelers: *Donning hard hats* " HAI!" 

Slayers crew: Oo " Ano…..fourth wall?"

Kats: *Popping up with a large book labeled 'Anime…how to conquer it'* " HAI! It's time for 'CONQUER THAT ANIME!"

Jerry Springer like audience: " WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO!"

Kats: *Reading from the book* " Fourth wall. For all you utterly pathetic people who can't make guesses; the fourth wall is basically the line between reality and fantasy. In specific, it separates authors from their works of fiction. Now, you may ask, 'but you're an author aren't you?' And my answer would be 'Why yes, yes I am'. I am also clearly trampling all over the fourth wall, mixing reality up as it were. HAHAHAHAHA! *Cough* Anyway, on with the description. The fourth wall was basically thought up to prevent authors from inserting themselves shamelessly into fanfiction and screw it over royally. But, as you all know, I have no shame, no pride, AND no need for Utena, so I decided to do what so many other suck-my-monkey quality authors have done and self-insert myself and my friend directly into it! There will be much shedding of clothes!"

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Chapter three to be done after Thanksgiving Woop---shaaaa~!


End file.
